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“why follow your dreams when you can follow me?”

Sully – 2022

The Idiocy of Hawwy Pottah

                Hawwy Pottah was a quite stubby young boy, with some serious anger issues and quite an imaginative mind. His two friends, Hairymione Kranker and Ranuld Waslip liked to follow Hawwy everywhere he went, even if that place was the restroom.

                It was around 6am in the Gryffindor tower when it happened. Hawwy, who was fast asleep in his four-poster, suddenly convulsed, shrieking like a person who had just been hit with the Cruciatus curse. His eyes still closed, Hawwy fell out of his bed and onto the cold brick floor, still writhing like dying snake. Ranuld jumped out of the bed next to him. “Who’s attacking you, Hawwy?!” He yelled, his eyes rolling around in his head. Ranuld grabbed a stray brick laying on the floor, and smashed it into Hawwy’s cranium. Hawwy stopped screaming and opened his eyes, a huge dent apparent in his skull. “Eh” grunted Hawwy, opening his eyes. He rubbed the dent in his head.

“Thank… You… Ranuld…” It was obvious Hawwy’s first, and maybe even second or third language was not English. The other boys in the dormitory, Bean and Cream, had gotten out of bed to see what had happened. “Hawwy you alright?” Bean reached into his night clothes and pulled out a can of kidney beans, taking a swig from it. Cream, Bean’s younger brother, stuffed his hand into his back pocket and pulled it out. Cream licked his hand, which was now covered with sour cream. Hawwy grunted again and got to his feet, stumbling as he did.

Suddenly, the door to the boy’s dormitory burst open and Professor McDonalds burst in, holding a platter of Happy Meals. “Eat up eat up!” Professor McDonalds shoved a Happy Meal into Hawwy’s face. “You all need your nutrients!”

“Blimey, professor, should we be eating burgers and fries at the crack of dawn?” asked Ranuld, uncertainly. “Don’t be mental, Waslip, burgers are excellent for your health” came Mcdonald’s reply.

Thirty minutes later, the four boys were walking down to the Great Hall for breakfast. It was mid-December, and torches lined the hallways to keep the drafty castle warm. Hawwy gazed into a large torch. “F- F-Fire?” he asked, reaching a stubby arm to the flame. “No Hawwy don’t!” But it was too late. Hawwy screamed as his arm touched the large flame. Hawwy didn’t move. He was rooted in place as his arm slowly burned.

Just then, a loud booming sound grew louder. The ground trembled as Professor Bumbleydoor in all his glory came strutting in. Professor Bumbleydoor was quite an old man, but his rad clothes made up for it. Bumbleydoor was wearing a large chain necklace, with a dollar sign attached. Large, tinted out sunglasses covered his face. His clothes were baggy, and he was sagging. Bumbleydoor was holding an enormous boombox on his right shoulder. Loud hip-hop music was blasting from it. “Yoo dudes, listen to this hip crip music!” Bumbledoor noticed Hawwy arm in the fire. “Ah, get ‘cho hand outta dat fiya!” Bumbledoor raised his wand. “Diffindo!” Hawwy’s arm flopped to the floor. It had been severed from his body. Hawwy glanced at the severed body part in interest. “Hawwy that’s your arm!” Ranuld shouted, glaring at Bumbledoor. Bumbledoor bobbed his head up and down and swaggered away. The pack moved on to the breakfast hall.


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