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“why follow your dreams when you can follow me?”

Sully – 2022

Japanese Shef

“Hehe he he!”

Shef cackled insanely as he stepped off flight 35 to Hong Kong, and peered out of the jetway. The airport was full of people milling around, mostly pasty American tourists. He snuck down the airport walkway, taking cover behind potted plants. He was on the FBI hitlist, so it was essential that he did get discovered by an undercover Japanese agent. A man walked by, rapping along to a beat on his new Apple Airpods Mini Max, which were mini versions of the Airpods Max headphones, being earbuds. Shef quickly reached into his toque, thinking that the man was an agent, and with lightning-fast speed, pulled out a vial of mysterious glowing potion, and chucked it at the man. There was a small blue*poof* of smoke, and the man vanished into thin air, still singing.

“Hmm, my vanishing potion works well! I’ll start mass production immediately”.

Finally, Shef exited the airport, and hobbled over to the train station, which would take him on a journey to the Japanese Monks of the Tibeian Culinary Institute in Hong Kong, 30 miles away.

Shef picked his chair, next to a short, stubby child, much like himself, who was engrossed in a game of Fortnite on his gaming laptop. “Cracked! Cracked! Double DINK DOUBLE DINK! RUSH HIM!”

The boy was blasted back in his seat as his in-game character, a sweaty fake default skin, was full boxed and pickaxed by the guy he had “Double Dinked”.

“Hey child, would you like to test out my new Sweat drink? It makes you the sweatiest player you can be! Really brings out your full potential”

Shef cackled on the last bit, and pulled out a small glowing purple vial of bubbling liquid. The boy, Andres, gasped in surprise, and grabbed at the vial with his greedy, stubby little fingers. He uncapped it, and swallowed down the whole bottle.

Andres grasped at his stomach, froth gurgling at his mouth. “No! NOooo!” he gasped quietly, as he slowly shrank into his clothes. What emerged from Andres’s shirt was a dirty, stinky little creature that resembled a frog. “You’re true form!” Shef laughed a deep belly laugh and moved on to the next row of seats, where a mother and her child were watching Jackson Academy YT on their phone. “Hey, would you like to try my new soup-?”

29 miles later, Shef arrived at his stop. The train car was nearly empty, thanks to Shef’s *newly tested* potions.

Shef hopped off. He was surrounded by an enormous, bustling city. People walked all around him, heading off to their respective places. The amount of test subjects for his potions! Shef almost wept with jubilation.

“Konichi- vwa!”

Shef raised his right hand in the Vulcan salute at the nearest woman. The woman stopped walking and stared at him.

“Wa-tashino, Shef-desu!”

The woman, instead of responding, simply burst into a fit of intensive laughter. “You idiot! This is 2022! You really think people in Japan speak Japanese?” She walked away, still chortling.

Shef’s face darkened. How dare ANYBODY disrespect him? Also, he had grinded XP on Japanese duolingo for 15 weeks before coming to Japan. Was all of that pain and misery really going to waste? Did everyone in Japan speak ENGLISH?


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